Kicking Up the Ambition...

Summer is always a strange time to try and start ambitious editing projects. Yet, if I'm trying to throw myself back into the swing of things then no time will be too busy to start anything. I want to stay inspired, focused and developing every creative bone in my body. Remember, to always tell yourself, it's never to late to learn and develop.

I'll be experiencing some "separation" from a certain friendship for a little bit right now as I try and get things moving in positive direction. Yet, right now as I have my free time during my lunch, I'm searching for work: you know, what's out there? I can't imagine being unemployed during this time yet I've had some very long bouts of unemployment and feel the pain of many who have been searching for work. The known way to go about searching for work and where I have my experience is the very easy way to go. It's time for the challenge. What do I really love to do? What skills do I have right now that could benefit me in a gig? Gotta know the dead-end secretary job can't be how I spend another decade of my precious life. And the chase after the screenwriting dream, well...it's so close yet so far away. I have to continue to challenge myself on a daily basis to write and market my script and to continue the development of other ideas, even if they are in "treatment" form. My career... my life cannot be about just paying the bills and keeping my head above water.

I need to work and live a creative space. One that will grow my intellectually, mental and spiritually. It can happen. I just have to believe I can be a working screenwriter & film director.

keep hope alive, VSJ. Please...

Running Behind, Yet Still Running..

Monday, July 12, 2010

Time to get started on the video blogs. I wanted to walk up to the riverwalk near my house and film myself against the Verranzo Bridge or against the Lower Manhattan skyline, yet as I come out of work on today, it’s overcast and looking like rain any minute now. So I’ll postpone the outdoor filming – yet, I can start an indoor shoot w/ my ghetto light and all.

Trying to adhear to a new schedule I have myself on now. No sense in carrying around anger, bitterness and simplehatred for my 9-to-5 job. Thank God I have a job during this time in our turbulent financial times. When I get frustrated with the repeating tasks, certain situations and people at my current job... quite simply, I need to be grateful. There are days when it feels good to have a job and way to provide for yourself. Yet there are other days when I want to pull the covers right back over my head and sleep the day away. I have God to keep me and to keep my ragging and changing emotions all in check.

I believe, in fact I know, God allows situations and challenging events to happen to us to make us stronger. Especially stronger in Him – too many time I’ve had the attitude of independence: I can do this without any help. Whatever “this” might be, finding a job, becoming friends with people, finding and picking out the man I want… terrible I say, yet hearing God’s resounding “no” or “not right now”, hurts like hell and it’s very humbling.

And that was Monday....

on today - Wednesday, just a few days later.... it's been overcast and dreary all morning. And yet, I'm trying very, very hard to stay focused on the goal: create a career and other opportunities for myself. I believe, since I've started this B/N lunchtime and before work-time coffee house-like times w/ my laptop, the inspiration just keeps a-coming. Yet it's time to revisit the script: a new one I'm working on and have only written a few opening scenes. Also, it's time for another written "flashback" from one of my entries from before. Just wanna stay inspired to do more. Ya'll feel me on that?

Staying committed to self-improvement and help throughout this process! Yay! More to come....